My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
