so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
