the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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