Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
