CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
