Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
