I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
