I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
