Im at strip club and am horny
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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