so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize