Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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