So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
