guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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