So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I faked an abortion last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
