I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
