i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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