Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
