either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
