listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Im part way to drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
