Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
