I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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