hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if only i could text you this smell
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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