Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
