Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
