it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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