Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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