You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
