If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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