you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
