hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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