At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
