There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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