I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why do cheetos always look like penises
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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