I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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