We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
