I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
