I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
