just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
