A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
