When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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