i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
