Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
