fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
