i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
