there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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