My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love you.
Bad choice
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
