People with herpes should wear stickers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
