Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
