how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
