I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
